badboybarrister: self-unemployed

OK so, days at the self-employed Bar can go something like this:

Get up late, realise you've no clean socks or ironed shirts, go to court tired, run around like a headless chicken, deal with ten cases involving a smattering of urchins and ne'er do-wells and earn a bit of brass. Maybe a proper lunch if you're lucky, perhaps a glass or two after work. Then it's home or stay late in chambers, prep for the morning and the cycle starts again.

However, on ocassions they can also go like this:

Despite fully prepping a trial in readiness for the following day, the imbecilic retards at the court listing office take it out at the last minute the night before because they have over-listed. Your day then becomes:

A lie in (bonus), eggs on toast, mid-morning coffee, watch Philip and Holly whilst sat in your pants checking on-line shopping. Then perhaps go out, buy random DVD's and clothes, maybe meet a pal for a nice lunch. You then wait to see what hideous cases by way of returns are coming your way for the following day e.g. two bench warrants in Carlisle, last in the list. In any event, you usually spend about £100 quid and, basically, you have earned £0.

You also, as you can see, finally have some spare time to update your blog.

The inverse relationship between how much money you earn at the Bar on a particular day and how much you spend is a curious feature. Virtually all Barristers will tell you that I bet. It's a bit like the last Labour Government - the less you've earned or the less you have, the more you feel like spending it. Until the inevitable financial meltdown obviously, in which I imagine case you bugger off and blame er, well anybody else really.

The closest I've got to a theory is that it's a combination of boredom and denial. Of course, I could go into chambers and do some "work" to stop this spiral - but where's the fun in that? There is an equally bizarre relationship it seems between how much pressing work I have to do and how much I bugger about and waste time. How many times can I check my emails in a day? Or go out for coffee? Or check my belly-button for fluff? Bluish grey - every time - ever noticed that?

For some reason despite being in my 30's, when I get an unexpected day out of court I get that feeling like you did when you were a small child in the Winter and the heating broke at school and you couldn't go in...

Unless you went to boarding school, in which case the games master probably came in to warm you-up or something..